I am...

I had no intention of blogging on the death of Michael Jackson. I'd watched it on the news for most of the day yesterday. I knew that every blogger, reporter, analyst, you name it would be pounding away at the keys of their computers and laptops to get a piece of this very sad chapter in our lives. No, that's wrong...this sad chapter in history. It wasn't as if I knew Michael Jackson personally after all. He was a performer who had died tragically and suddenly. The sense of sorrow that crept over my skin was to be expected. Watching CNN, the video clips of music that I'd heard all my life, it was natural that I would get teary eyed. But it wasn't as if he were a part of my family. I didn't have to join the crowd and blog about it.

But somewhere between then and now, a realization dawned on me. I had lost something more than a celebrity. I had lost a piece of my life and that was an amazing realization. Understand, Michael Jackson was eleven years old when I was born. He started performing at the age of eleven. His music has been in my house and in my ears as far back as my earliest memory. The Jackson 5 Christmas album that my sisters and brother played every Christmas. Tagging along with my sister to get "Off the Wall" and thinking how cute he was on the cover. Being in school and wishing that Michael was my boyfriend and then getting mad whenever I saw someone in my boyfriends red leather jacket and white glove. I even cried when his hair caught on fire while filming that darn Pepsi commercial.

I've watched the evolution of the music video thanks to Michael Jackson. No one did and no one in my opinion does a video like he did. They were events. I was in an electronics store with my sister and her husband a few years back and the "Remember the Time" video started to play on a widescreen T.V. People stopped shopping and gathered around to watch. It amazed me, that reaction, the joy that was on these peoples faces after so much time had passed. But you know quality and talent when you see it. It doesn't get old, it withstands the test of time.

The point is, that as I grew, he grew as well. As I changed and my life and the world around me changed, in the background Michael and his life was always there; a constant. Certainly Michael Jackson seemed to get more bizarre as time passed and scandal tainted his life. But I won't dwell on or even discuss that. I don't know what happened and I won't pretend to know. What I do know is that this steady presence in my life is no more. That a very gifted, brilliant man whose troubled soul was draped in sorrow over a childhood he could never regain, is suddenly gone from my life. That ever present shadow that lived within the background of the events of my life has passed on. And it is that loss which brought tears to my eyes and sadness to my heart.

I AM blogging to say you mattered to me Michael Jackson. We never met, and you didn't know who I was...but you and your music. your genius and your sorrow touched my life. I hope and I pray that now you will have that which it seemed you alway sought in life. R.I.P. Michael Jackson. God Bless you.

You know how these reality talent contests go. There is always a fairly odd, unattractive (I really don't like that word, unattractive to one person is beautiful to another, but I digress)or awkward person whom producers feel will be good for a laugh or two. This poor individual is interviewed on air and based off that interview you feel a cross between sick to your stomach embarrassment for the poor soul, and a morbid curiosity on just how bad a performance it will be. At most you hope they will be as endearingly sweet as William Houng and the audience will be kind.

And so it wasn't with much hope that I watched the following video on a one Susan Boyle who performed on the reality show Britain's Got Talent. I was lured to this video by a caption that Ms. Boyle shocked Simon Cowell and frankly anyone who can shock the decidedly unpleasant Simon Cowell is worth a view in my book. So why not give it a look. Unfortunately, it doesn't start off very well with Ms. Boyle telling the world that she is unemployed, living with her cat and at the age of 48, has yet to be kissed.

I almost turned away from it at that point. I didn't think I wanted or even could stomach the ridicule and snickers that were sure to follow. The cameras were definitely confirming my fears as they made it a point to zoom in on the snickering girls in the audience and the eye rolls of the judges over Ms. Boyle's appearance and banter.

The following video is why I'm glad that I stuck around and why I send kudos to Susan Boyle for her bravery and showing the world yet again that you can't judge a book by it's cover. Sure she doesn't come in the pre-fabricated packaging that's normally sold to the public, but shame on us, myself included, for fearing the absolute worst before Ms. Boyle ever sang a note. Watch the video below, and you'll see for yourself what I mean as Sara Boyle sings I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables.

NOTE: I noticed that the embed code for these videos are being disabled, in the event that occurs with the video that I've posted, you can watch the video by clicking here.

One door closes.

For many people in these economic and trying times, the closing of a door signifies the end of something that had been of significance to them and to their families.

A marriage.

A friendship.

A job.

Often when that door closes, it isn't softly nor gently.Read More...

Yesterday, a fellow blogger bought to my attention the case of 15 year old Malika Calhoun. Until , then I hadn't heard the story of this young if not rebellious teen and I was sickened and shocked by what I read.

If you haven't already seen the video that appears at the end of this posting, be forewarned that it is, at least for me, very upsetting. It is unfortunately, another scene of police brutality caught on film. And this time the stars are a teenage girl and an adult male cop.

For background purposes, the teenage girl had been arrested along with her girlfriend for allegedly stealing a vehicle, that turns out to have belonged to the girlfriend's mother. They had taken the car without permission and were arrested. The teen was, as teenagers are often known to be, belligerent and argumentative. As the officer takes her into her cell, the teen kicks off her shoe which results in the type of beat down one would expect of a dangerous and armed ADULT criminal.

There is no justification for this act of violence. There is nothing that a teenager should have said, could have said or done that could justify being kicked and punched by a grown man.

I am enraged that this sort of thing continues to happen. I am disgusted that the very people who we charge with our protection can and have on numerous occasions turned into the people that we need protection from. It isn't my intention to criticize all police, as with anything there are good and there are bad. And I don't doubt that the victim was mouthy, annoying or that she shouldn't have kicked off the shoe in question. But teenagers are teenagers and they do things that they shouldn't do. She did not assault the officer with a dangerous weapon, she wasn't armed with anything more than the other shoe. Not to mention that even if she had been armed, she was restrained by this adult police officer when he punched her not once but twice.

She is a child and he an adult cop.

So why post this in I AM? Because I am speaking out. I am saying that this sort of thing must come to an end. I am letting my voice be heard on a subject that I feel so strongly about. These things are wrong and must stop for the safety of everyone. Just think if that was your teenage daughter or son. Would it then be okay for you?

The 8th Amendment to the United States Constitution states ""Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted."

Clearly this is a violation of the Bill of Rights.

http://www.gpoaccess.gov/constitution/html/amdt8.html

Video courtesy of CBS News                                                                                          

Who is in charge of your happiness?

At some point in everyones life we all have fallen victim to standing in the face of personal desire or want and letting someone other than ourselves make the decision on whether to reach out and grab that which can ultimately effect our happiness. The result can leave an unfulfillable emptiness in the deepest pit of your stomach. An emptiness that can lurk behind the scenes of your life and silently plague you until the results of that repressed resentment and regret become impossible to ignore.

It isn't always easy to be the master of ones own life and grab a hold of the reins of self happiness. At times hard decisions have to be made that may not always end with you having what you want or what makes you the happiest. But the key is to make sure that the decisions that dictate your self fulfillment are based off of what you want and what will bring you the most happiness in the present and in the future. Certainly, this doesn't mean that you should live life selfishly with a lack of concern for others wishes, or that you should never compromise. What it does mean is that you must be certain that your voice is heard. Give sound to your opinions and thoughts. Explore options that can be suitable for everyone that still fulfills your wants. When in a relationship where compromise is necessary, keep in mind that compromise is a two way street. No one person should ever give up everything while the other gives up nothing.

You are your greatest champion. No matter what you do in life, whether based off of your wants or the wants of others, ultimately the burden of your happiness falls on your shoulders. It is up to you to stand tall or to shrink back into the shadows. It is up to you to take charge of your happiness.

drawing courtesy of WikiCommons

It is amazing how easy it is to look in the mirror and point out each and every one of your own flaws. You look at your reflection who stares back at you, a captive victim of your brutally sharp scrutiny. This isn't some outsider, some so called friend or family member who is telling you that you would have a husband by now if you lost a couple of pounds. An acquaintance who not so subtly hints that some of your features aren't pretty enough by todays standards of beauty or that perhaps you should work on that laugh or in some way be something other than who you are.

No, the attacker of your self esteem is no one other than you. Ripping and tearing shreds into your sense of self acceptance like a rabid dog. Nothing is good enough about the poor you being victimized in the mirror. Not the hair because of course it's too thin, too thick, too straight or too curly.

Not the stomach after all it's too round; too soft. The thighs are too big, and is that cottage cheese you see there?

Nor is your mind as sharp as it should be or is it too smart? You'd be more attractive, less intimidating if you were a little less intelligent. Right?

Whew! Why do we bash ourselves with such whole hearted enthusiasm? Why is it so easy to say things that are hurtful and damaging?  Words have power. When you realize that, you understand that what you say, even to yourself has a direct effect on how you perceive and define who you are. How you define yourself is how others perceive you. Come to this realization and you have begun one of the first steps in healing and learning to love who you are.

So what do you do about it? When you hear yourself directing self loathing and negative words towards yourself, simply stop. Take a moments pause and then say something,positive and flattering about yourself. This may seem hard at first, but if you make it a point and do this every single time you start to beat yourself up, you will be amazed at how easy it becomes and how many positive things there actually are to say.

I ran across a quote from Black Eye Peas singer and Obama supporter Will.i.am in a TIME article that seems an exceptional addition to I AM:

"When you follow your heart, you're never supposed to do things because of what you think people might say. You do it for the opposite reasons."

To read the full article on will.i.am click here

TAMPA, FL - FEBRUARY 01: Singer Jennifer Hudson performs the U.S. National Anthem...

Jennifer Hudson's performance at the Super Bowl yesterday gave me chills and I'll admit it bought a tear to my eyes as well. Her rendition of the National Anthem was amazing as was her military inspired jacket, skinny pants and stylish stilettos.

Click the items below for a similar look to what Jennifer wore:

I just couldn't resist featuring this cute limited edition clutch by Judith Leiber. It is available for pre-order at Neiman Marcus now!

More Judith Leiber...